Meet Rodriguez. He’s a member of the Latin Riderz New York, so you just know not to mess with him. Rodriguez is a man of simple pleasures. He likes his milk cold and his baby seals bloody as hell. Oh yeah, he eats baby seals for breakfast. I usually just have poached eggs, but you know, baby seals could probably work too? A loving family man who, on the odd occasion, will take his family to the zoo (lock up those seals!), teach his baby girl street values, and bash skulls. But he’ll tell you that that’s just business. The rest is done for love.

The Latin Riderz have their own website that you can check if you’re interested in joining. While you’re there, be sure to check out their Complaints Department. Yup! They have one! Not that you’d need it.

And remember gang – GOD FORGIVES / LATIN RIDERS DON’T.

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1. And what am I supposed to do while you’re doing the underpants charleston with this insane, blind tart?